Here's a little story

Basically I've been missing my friends. I think they are the best dudes around and quite close to being my soulmates as humanly possible. I am not human. They all live far far away from me. So I've been compensating this lack of socialness by upping my internet + tv usage (yes, astoundingly possible), alcohol (wine discount store), food (weight gain) and talking to randoms (homeless people).

Story number one:
After walking around aimlessly, I settled at a secure spot to people watch and draw funny caricatures of passerby's. While doodling my heart out, a man of homeless stench sat beside me. I didn't look at him, but I could tell that he was looking at me. Finally .. I said hi, thus beginning our hour long convo about life, lost love, and the vietnam war. Oh, and he was trying to hook me up with his son.

Story number two:
Did you watch Juno yet? And did you cry as much exuberance as I? Shit, the last time I cried like that was when I saw "It's a beautiful life in like 2001(?). I cried, let's see, throughout the movie sporadically, the last 10 minutes of the movie, through the credits and out the door and even then sniffled on the subway. I just get emotional. So on my way home on the f train, red faced and teary eyed. I had the whole 'wah, i'm sad and miserable face' going. Like I didn't give a fuck at all. So I started scratching my name into the plastic seating and writing things like your pussy smells and other juvi stuff. Then, looking up I could see that this cute asian guy was looking at me. But without turning away when I saw this, we catch this staring contest going on for a much awkward while. Flat faced and seriousness. Then I broke him down when I turned my frown upside down and gave him the biggest smile I could grab from all of my most inner happiness. He smile back and left at the next stop. I probably changed his life.

Story number three:
I recently went on a date from match.com. Don't. Just don't say anything. So this is how it went down. We met for a movie. He gave me a dorky bag that he won from his company christmas party present swap. Uh, ok. After the movie we went to eat at this french place. He said it smelled like feet. Then we talked about my existential problems and he cried about his grandma. Seriously, I saw tears. Then we went to the bar across the street, and he drank wine, beer, and vodka tonics. So - 8 drinks right? I went to the bathroom and that's when I started to get kind of freaked out. Coming back, he told me he was paranoid that I'd left him. Then got really close and muy possessive, holding my hand 'n shit. Ehhh. I hate that. Pulling away, I said I was tired and he real drunk, real fast. He stood up and started putting his jacket on without saying anything. Ok, so I just started doing the same. Leaving the bar, we argued about him walking me home. I don't want the dude to know where I live. So he complained that we wouldn't be able to makeout. COME ON?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Getting in a taxi, he was all like, "Give me some sugar". Whatever, so I quick pecked his lips and ran back to my aprt and rinsed my mouth out with bleach.

Edit: I just got a message from this guy on match.com... I mean. What do I say to that???

Or better yet, What kind of man posts a picture of himself kissing a dolphin??? Oh, wait - that's kind of cute ... What's not cute is his cubical office tan line dough arms.

Story number four:
I hung out with my sister and her buds on Saturday for a wine tasting soho get together. We had a motherfucking dance off. Yelling you got served and what not. I used a bootybassment mix (thank you). Feeling good and happy we went to this bar and drank more and danced like Fly Girls (remeber j.lo in her knee pads?) then went to eat pizza at the most delicious hour of 4am. The next morning, I felt worse than my previous Karaoke and Tequila night. So bad. But surprisingly happy. I mean, usually I'm like a baby and sad. So we got up and went shopping and made plans to do stuff later in the day. But walking around the miserablemelissa started kicking in. So I left and started making my way home to my dark aprt. But.... I randomly popped in a lensecrafters store to see what selection they had... My sister stepped on my glasses recently and previously one of the ears was chewed off my her dog. Anyways. I was in there for over an hour. I ended up talking to this man - mid to late 30's? - and had this amazingly strange mutual attration. It was cute, cause he was the gen. manager and had to be the 'boss' but totally wanted to just make out with me. I could just tell. Well, I probably stank from the night before and had bad hair - so maybe not. But we exchanged emails after a conversation about us knowing similar people and our favorite bands and last.fm. I have to go back monday to pick up my glassses. I got clear frames vs. these beautiful d&G frames with woodpaneling on the side. He told me the clear ones are better cause you can see more of my face. Aw.

Some highlight shots of said night:

I think I'm getting served. I dunno, it's up in the air.

Ok, this is a good example of how to serve it. Nice hand positioning, body is obviously in sync with the booty jams, and note the level of servingness on her face.

Songs that might have to do with the aforementioned, but don't:
Elvis Perkins - All Night Without Love
Ike + Tina - A Fool In Love
Big Star - Thank You Friends
The Organ - Love, Love, Love

1 comment:

Dimitri said...

I raise my cup to you and whisper, "Big ups."